Today I want to speak about participating in celebrations or holidays when you have IBS and asking for what you really need from others. I’ve wanted to cover this topic that is really impactful for women who suffer from IBS and are just sick of being so sick. I know it’s difficult to know how to deal with your IBS during these events and how too it can bring up the opportunity to ask for what you need directly.
It can be really hard to ask for the things that we want in life, and it can sometimes being even harder lto ask for the things that we really need.
In today’s episode, we’ll discuss the topic of asking for gifts of what you need and getting outside the box of cultural expectations of gift giving around holidays and celebrations where gift giving is a tradition.
Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources at healingheribs.com/28.
Asking for What You Truly Need
When it’s a certain holiday, or it’s your birthday, or whatever other celebrations you may have that involve giving gifts to others or receiving for yourself, there’s quite often a script that’s followed in specific social groups.
Maybe you do ask your loved ones for specific things you want or maybe you don’t. Perhaps there’s more of tradition of surprise which can be very fun or perhaps annoying depending on the circumstance. Maybe there’s an unspoken rule around giving gifts that are beautiful or fun. Maybe your family gives new technology, or cashmere sweaters at Christmas time or birthdays.
Whatever the social culture of gift giving, it’s helpful to first recognize what that is in your family. Only by seeing what is can you then think about and decide about expanding beyond that if you so choose.
When it comes to suffering with IBS, you may have an idea of something that you think could be truly impactful for your healing, but that you don’t necessarily have the financial resources for currently. Or you worry about spending that money on yourself. I absolutely relate to this because during the worst of my IBS, I knew that I needed more support and that I would need to spend some financial resources on this goal and that was a challenge at that time.
If this is you, I invite you today to think about any gift giving season as a time to communicate to your loved ones what it is that you truly want and need. Maybe there is a special gut test that you want to get that you feel will put your mind at ease around what is happening in your gut.
Maybe there’s a yoga class that you know will help you manage your stress but that you can’t quite afford on your own. Maybe there’s a health professional in your community or online that you want to work with that you know can help you get closer to healing your IBS.
Though we may not be used to asking for these kinds of practical things during gift giving, it doesn’t mean that we can’t or that it’s not a good idea. Sometimes it’s just a matter of opening yourself up to that change and communicating effectively.
Gifts as Opportunities to Share about Your IBS
Everyone has a different relationship with their families and loved ones, but there is something about IBS that I’ve noticed so many women keeping quiet about their suffering.
I am not judging because I was the same way and still have reservations with sharing about my IBS with new people.
Nevertheless, it can be a very powerful act to share with those we trust about what we are going through and to let them know how they can specifically help us.
If you can figure out what it is that needs to change in your life to help you heal, you can start moving in that direction even if right now you don’t have all the puzzle pieces together to get you there. You can start by taking steps in that direction and you can also start by reaching out to help from those that care for you.
So often, your loved ones want to be there to support you but they don’t know how. They don’t know what you need or what you want and they are confused as to what to give as well. For some people, having a list of ideas of what to give as a gift is a mental relief.
During gift giving time, it’s okay to ask for what you really need. If you need help healing your IBS, as I did, if you need financial support or emotional support, whatever kind of help you need can be available to you when you start to ask for that help.
Feeling Alone with Your IBS
For me, a huge part of the suffering that I had with my IBS had to do with feeling so alone with it. I felt ashamed about it and I didn’t feel comfortable talking to most people about what I was going through. Presently I feel more comfortable sharing on this podcast than I would with someone in person that I didn’t know well.
I would talk to doctors and with some people that I didn’t really know online, but there weren’t a lot of people in my real everyday life that I was entrusting to talk about my IBS issues.
One woman who had IBS spoke to me about how she asked her parents for them to contribute to an IBS healing program that she felt strongly could help her. She felt the price was fair was she wasn’t quite able or ready to invest her money into it, but she truly felt it could be impactful for her.
Not only were her parents happy to help her pay for this program, but this ask of hers opened the door for her to speak with them in more detail about what she had been going through and it allowed her to receive their empathetic listening to an issue she’s felt alone with for a long time.
Researchers and practioners know that a big part of healing IBS has to do with calming the nervous system and creating new neural pathways in the gut -brain axis. Healing IBS is usually not as simple as killing off some bad bacteria or eating more fiber.
There is a social-emotional aspect to this syndrome and often there’s a woman behind it that doesn’t feel comfortable asking for help.
Is that woman you? Do you relate to this problem with asking for gifts and asking for help?
I encourage you today and on your continued healing process to investigate this part of healing your IBS.
When and where would it be easiest for you to reach out and ask for the things that you need?
I hope you found today’s episode helpful. If you have any topics you would wish for me to discuss, please email me at erin@nullhealingheribs.com.
